ok. i shall start off by saying. pls do not be surprised if i do not update my blog often now because i really do not like using blogspot! urgh. i typed a freaking long entry and it took me quite awhile. and when i clicked on the publish post button everything was GONE. i was like WTH. YUCKS! i miss diary-x SO MUCH. gosh! as quoted:

Xun: diary x arh diary x.. we miss you..
our new wives cheat our feelings..
Sher: oh yes we do.
Xun: okay ur new husband. HUSBAND LAH.

hahah.. i tink Xun's gonna laugh his head off when he reads this. hahaha. but yarh. i really miss diary-x! RAH. so yes.

next, hmm blocks are over. i'm glad. though i dunno how i will do but hopefully it's satisfactory. i dun need it to be excellent.

and just in case you pple think i was having fun for the past 2days because i dun have to go to sch (dun haf papers) on friday and monday. no i wasn't. i was at my grandpa's wake. yeaps. it's rather upsetting to like attend 2 wakes within 5mths losing both grandpas to the same disease. and i was really affected by this recent passing on of my grandpa because i didn't get to talk to him or visit him when he was hospitalised on tues. damn the blocks. URGH.

and it was also partly my fault because obviously i ranked my priorities wrongly. i went out after blocks on thurs instead of going to the hospital. when my mum actually asked me to go home early so that we could go down to the hospital. i actually told her "why today? i could go tmr as well. since im not going to sch tmr".

but on thurs itself. i was on the train at 6plus. and i just had an impulse to call home and say "let's go to the hospital tonight". i dunno why. and i just thank God for that impulse because if not for that, i would not even be there the moment when my grandpa has passed on. although i was late, i could only see him when he has already stopped breathing (because the nurses were cleaning him up when i reach so i couldn't go in). i was glad i got to be there. and i really really felt like. SHIT. i didn't get to even talk to him for the last time and without letting him see me for the last time. and he still asked my mum abt me during his 3day stay in hospital. my mum said i had exams so i couldn't be there. i felt really regretful. really. i actually could've been there earlier on thurs but i bloodily went gallavanting. damn. i know my mum was rather upset with me about this. but none of us expected my grandpa to pass on so quickly. it was just too sudden. so yarh she has sort of forgiven me abt this. but i still feel rather bad.

if only i knew i would have gone home immediately after my bio. if only i knew that i shld not take for granted that he will live for one more day, which apparently he didn't. IF ONLY IF ONLY. there's too many IF ONLYs. i've learnt a lesson i could have learnt even before losing a loved one. it's so easy yet it's so hard to learn it unless u experienced it.

so people, if there's something u wanna do, do it today. do it now. do not wait till tmr because u really do not know what unexpected things will happen tmr. and you might regret for the rest of ur life. suddenly i realise the room which my grandpa stayed in at my grands place feel so cold. although i wasn't really close to him but i grew up with him around all along. and now that he's gone his room feel so empty and so cold. i kinda miss his presence but i guess moving on in life is a must and he shall live in my memories.

off to sch tmr. sians. i hate the hectic life. i really do. urgh.